My family and I decided to take a drive up on the parkway today. Okay, so really it was my idea...I begged to go somewhere with my family ANYWHERE!!! I love to be in the car...riding along, wind blowing through my hair...I am like a dog in that respect.
We reached an elevation of 6,578 feet and from the base of the mountain to the top the temperature dropped from 76 degrees to 50 degrees at the very top.
Today's reflection/daily thought was Every Life Is Cherished. Every Life Is Cherished was a poem written by one of her characters in her book (Vicky Austin...the writing voice of which was Ms. L'Engle.) That particular book is one of my favorite's of Ms. L'Engle's...I remember reading it one year long ago now...feeling transported and like I myself was Vicky, struggling to find out who I was and realizing that I was meant to be set apart.
My whole point in jabbering on about the poem, the character of Vicky Austin, and Madeleine's writings is because that particular poem speaks to me...it moves me. So I wanted to post it on my blog, I hope it will stir your heart's as it has mine every time I read it. So without further ado...
Every Life Is Cherished:
"The earth will never be the same again.
Rock, water, tree, iron, share this grief
As distant stars participate in pain.
A candle snuffed, a falling star or leaf,
A dolphin death, O this particular loss
Is Heaven-mourned; for if no angel cried,
If this small one was tossed away as dross,
The very galaxies then would have lied.
How shall we sing our love's song now
In this strange land where all are born to die?
Each tree and leaf and star show how
The universe is part of this one cry,
That every life is noted and is cherished,
And nothing loved is ever lost or perished."
-Vicky Austin in Madeleine L'Engle's beloved book A Ring of Endless Light
Then she looked me up and down and said "How's your fashion sense?" (I already felt weird because her wandering eyes gave me the once over...obviously I hadn't worn the appropriate interview attire.) In my defense I didn't know I was going to be having an interview right then and there, I thought I was just gonna hand in the application and be called for an interview later!!! I can hear my Momma's voice right now saying, yet again, "What's the family motto...Sarah?" and of course I answer her yet again "Tojours Pret!" Our family's crest motto reads (translated from French to English) "Alway's Ready!" I am not "Alway's Ready," and so I will have to add that to the things to do list...alway's be at the ready.
I said "I don't really take too much from what the current trends are, I like to wear different random peices, more earthy and artsy. I don't really like to wear what's always necessarily 'in.'" And that was strike number two in the manager's book...at least I would think it was. Hello! I am applying at a clothing store...of course I have to know something about fashion...which I do not. I just dress how I dress, and that's that.
One of the parent's of the children I sit for (tonight after I babysat) after hearing about my interview said "Well, that was one bad interview...but there will be plenty more...probably one hundred bad ones to every one good one...you'll do fine just keep on trying!" (Thanks Mr. Zo!) (I am seriously thanking him...no joking here.)
First of all my confidence was lacking...for unknown reasons...and I was ill at ease during my talking to the manager. I did manage to not do my uber nervous tick (which is to stroke upward at the back of my hairline on the left side.) I have been praying about this so hard...and even if the manager calls me back saying that I have the job, I am not so sure I should take it. I know it sounds c-r-a-z-y because I really need a job badly, but I know that God will work on the heart of whomever I am supposed to work for!
I have a suspicious feeling in my heart, and gut. I am not at peace with how the interview went, nor am I at ease with the manager...I got bad vibes from her. No, I do not believe in that hoodoo-voodoo stuff, but I myself am a very sensitive and discerning individual...think prophetic.
So I guess I will hit the streets some more...more bad interviews to come or not. My God will be with me wherever I go...and so I will walk in faith...keep on keeping on. Discerning heart and mind at the ready!
The Job Hunter
I love that my Momma...even though I am sure she wants to rip her hair out sometimes, because I am such an introvert...still manages to pray over me, share quotes with me, and her unconditional love...even when I get snippy and yell at her. (I apologized for the yelling at her today...I was really stressed out about turning in my applications...still that is by no means any semblance of an excuse!)
Today I put my faith in God. I finally got up the courage...and went to put in a couple of applications. I do not know what will happen with my applications, but I have got to let go of the frustration and worrying...it gets me nowhere! (Matthew 6:25-27 & 34)
"Off her rocker"
- "You my friend are a restless wanderer of the earth"...I think to myself.
- It seems as if I've been hiding from Your presence God...I cannot explain what made me act this way. I am only a restless wanderer, with fear and anxiety gnashing at my heels.
- I am a restless wanderer who is lost out in the dark...where's the light? it's slipped away.
- I am a restless wanderer who searches her desires out aimlessly, but is left out in the cold with no compass to guide her.
- I am a restless wanderer, now fallen down to her knees...bring me oh Lord guidance and peace!
- Satan's been on the prowl, a Tiger after my mind and heart. The Mighty Lion guards my mind and heart...by day and by night. His roar, sending shockwaves, that deafen and diminish Satan's hold over my life!
- Even when my heart layeth on the ground confused and ripped assunder...You, God, pick it up in Your hands and make it anew.
- I am not a lone wanderer...for all who wander are not lost.
- God you have always been there waiting silently for me to stumble out of the dark wilderness and into your camp and fortress.
- I am no longer a restless wanderer for I no longer wander aimlessly. My steps are now purposeful and not for naught.
(Hebrews 11:38-40) "All who wander are not lost." -J.R.R. Tolkien
This is one of the many random poems I have penned down in my journal after reading and studying many a hour through the Scriptures (Revelation ch. 21.) This passage, to me, was so beautiful and poignant. Beauty comes to us through Christ our King, not our wealth, prestige, or our outter adornments. God's Church...which is not contained within the confines of four walls...but rather the Church is within each and every one of us! To God our being HIS Church is the most precious jewel of all! (Written below is my randomness:)
- Stone of jasper, adornment of beauty...you are of the finest of royalties. Where is the glory of you... found within?
- Within this shattered world, or unfailing love?
- Honey and oil, linen and silk, all will fade away in the fullness of time. Yet your glory through me will remain intact and unscathed.
- Such are the earthly glories...beauty and wealth, turn away from them and face only "I Am."
- I hold the key to eternal glory, no one can enter the kingdom except through me, the Son.
- Be as thine Church in Jerusalem...her brilliance like very costly stone, as stone of crystal-clear jasper. Your heart shall remaineth pure!
- I need you to hide me; feels like it's me against the world. Hidden in the shadow of your wings I want to be!
- This soul of mine wants to be set free...I can be within your loving arms. I seek you, come now, hide me away. Be my hiding place.
- It's you, My Saviour, where I've come now to hide...I've somehow been remade, reborn, consecrated, made anew and come alive.
- Speak, speak aloud to me. Tell me "It's okay, you don't have to cry, dry your eyes. Come now within my child and hide. Look in the mirror...I am there inside!"
- You're all I need to help me see. God your love's so amazing! You hide me within...and a passion begins to light my soul aflame. I am dying to self and living alive in Christ.
- I'm ready now, to break free. Your reflection is all I long to be. Speak to me, speak through me. Hidden within your love, I'm ready to stand again!
- You alone are the place I become encompassed in grace and love...Jesus...you are my hiding place!
- My purpose lies hidden, so deep within. What will lead me towards what lies hidden...I wonder? How will I know where to begin to search for what lies hidden within me?
- In the Lord. In patient time. If I abide shall I see everything clearly defined? I believe I will draw the purposes of myself out...from the deep waters of my stormy heart.
- I'm confused, battered and bruised, scared to even try to make a move. The tide is drawing me in for the kill. Will I arise from it all...to glimpse a new beginning?
- Your purposes will prevail, oh Lord, please comfort me! I feel like I am drowning beneath...beneath these fears and this anger. I need help Lord; drawing out the purposes you have placed within my heart.
- Help me to seek you out, and find what is hidden within. Guide me into still waters, lead me out of the deep...your purposes shall prevail!
(Proverbs 19:21 & 20:5 & 24)
- Remember my daughter, you were meant to live set apart. When left all alone, so cold in the solemn dark...alone for the actions proceeded of by your pure heart...know that I am there.
- The road is long and narrow, winding and time consuming. You may feel lonely and unloved, but the journey is worth it, even if you must endure it alone in the world. Snares, along the way to me will test you and try you, but do not give up hope!
- By faith in your walk you will surely make way through these treacherous paths. I the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
- Remember when you are mocked and hated...they mocked me and hated me also...first.
- I died for you though noone else would. So do not waver as the world tells you constantly not to die to self alongside me.
- Darling, dare to follow me no matter where I lead! I love you endlessly!
- I have been successful in remaining pure in mind, heart, & body.
- I have not given pieces of my heart away to countless men.
- I have not yet had my first kiss...I am saving it for someone special!
So that addressed I guess I should further set the stage for the moment of my akwardness in Alabama.
Hannah, Jeanie, their family & I had all went out to eat lunch on the last day of our random roadtrip when Miss Mary leaned in a bit over the table & asked me "So d'you have a steady beau?" I was shocked...that I had not been asked this sooner...somehow I had avoided being asked this question in the previous days. My heart began to sink as I thought to myself "No, I don't have a boyfriend...but I wish I did..if he's who God has planned for me to be with...it'll happen some day. What should I say in front of them all?...I am so embarassed to say NO!"
I did not answer Miss Mary, & then Jeanie said "Can I tell her?" I nodded my head "yes" (looking catatonic I am sure), & Jeanie went on to say to Miss Mary & everyone else at the table that "She hasn't ever had a boyfriend or been kissed, because she is saving herself for God's best, & she's waiting for His timing." Everyone at the table seemed to applaud me...I even heard a few of them say "I wish I had waited, & that I hadn't given my heart away so freely, & that I wouldn't have kissed so many countless guys"...but no applause seemed to thunder within my mind, cheering me on "'ata girl you've done good"..in that instant all I felt was my stomach twisting into knots.
While I was glad Jeanie had answered & I didn't have too, I sat there staring, very quiet & still, thinking & thinking some more. I was semi embarassed, & then a twinge of remembrance came to mind...God had said to me on many an occasion, during heartfelt prayers and through many tears..."BE PATIENT DARLING!" Still, them asking me, and my answer being "No," seemed to bother me more than it should've...the enemy wanted to have a hold on my heart I think.
Although it may seem agonizing, & even very upsetting at times to me, waiting is what God has called me to do. Sure there have been quite a few guys I was interested in...even one who played with my heart over & over...sounding like a screeching ugly violin that deafened me and drowned out all sound of reason for far too long. After what seemed like decades I finally saw him for who he really was...& I have moved on with God's help. All I have to say about him is two things 1) Thank God for unanswered prayers & 2) Now I know what kind of a man I DO NOT want to marry.
I remembered & pondered all of the above mentioned while riding home from Alabama...it was a more quiet drive back than on the way there to Alabama. My mind was reeling...then God reassured me that the pure life I am living is ordained by HIM! I shouldn't feel ashamed when someone asks me if I have a steady beau. I should take pride in that I am living a lifestyle of purity...one day I'll answer that question differently with Godly pride "Why yes I do have a beau! & we are very happy together, serving the Lord in all we do. The wait wasn't so bad...it was worthwhile!"
The Christ-like young woman I seek to be is a woman who seeks after God, who shows discretion, & one who is quiet and gentle (1 Peter 3:3-4.)
I do not want to be a young woman who is ashamed that she has not had so many countless boyfriends...because I am not looking to serve myself or to have just a boyfriend. I am looking for a husband with whom we will both serve God in all we do! I seek "To be self controlled & pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, & to be subject to my husband, so that no one will malign the Word of God." (Titus 2:5.) The Proverbs 31 woman is also an accurate depiction of the young woman I long to be.
All of that said...whew...I can breathe easier! I think I will find that in patient time God will come through...Mr. Darcy will arrive before I know it! I will remind myself daily that "To be loved, one must first be loveable" & that "Love is a choice, not a feeling!" That is why I must seek God...so that I might choose wisely (picturing the knight in Indiana Jones right now..."Choose Wisely." lol)
~Lady In Waiting~
P.S. Thanks for reading through my wordy ranting/epiphany! I love you for it! If you have any advice on the joys of love or God breathed thoughts please feel free to e-mail me at: EvenstarHeart@gmail.com or leave me a comment!
So they drove up in my driveway I threw my small suitcase into the trunk of the Chevy Cavalier Coupe, hopped in the car, and buckled up for my random road trip. On the way there it was mostly just Jeanie and I talking, because Hannah had passed out in the back seat. Boy was it a fun trip...and so very interesting too!
We got there around 5 o'clock pm. (mind that on Friday I relived an hour of my life because of the time zone change.) Then we met Hannah's grandpa Carl at a restaurant called the "Fried Tomato." I am totally in love with Fried Green Tomato's now! I could eat a barrel full!!! After dinner we headed to Hannah's grandparents' house where later on her aunt Missy and cousin Kennedy showed up. We all piled up atop one bed and started laughing and talking our mouths and ears off. We teased Jeanie for a lil while about how when she got her hair cut about a month ago she looked like the boy on the "Dutch Boy Paint Can." You wouldn't believe how many "Dutch" jokes you can make!!! :) Hehe! Jeanie, Missy and Kennedy all left the room so Hannah and I could go to sleep and Jeanie peered around the door to say "You had better lock your door unless you wanna go jogging around the track at 3 am!" So Hannah and I locked the door...and sure enough around 3 or 4 am Mr. carl came a jiggling on the door handle trying to wake us up to make us go jogging with him. It was hysterical!
So I can't sleep right...I am laying on my stomach and turn my head from the left side to the right side and Hannah's nose just about hit mine...she was laying really close to me and she was using my pillow instead of hers! So I never went back to sleep after waking up at five am that morning...instead I just layed in the bed and thought a lot...four and a half hours of random thinking to be exact...and then our day started.
I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas when Mr. Carl came up to me grasped my arm and said "Come on with me!" I had no idea what I was in for. Mr. Carl took me into the back yard held out three BB guns and said choose your weapon (keep in mind I have never shot with anything before...or at anything.) So I chose my weapon, Carl showed me how to load it rather quickly then he began to walk off while talking and said "Just aim and shoot over there near that tree at them hanging christmas ornaments!" So I proceeded to shoot and then miss and then shoot and then miss again the shining spherical targets over and over again. ...when finally I made contact...I shot the "hello-kitty" out of one of the hanging 2 1/2 inch christmas ornaments.
Us girls lollygagged around for a few hours until lunch time and then we got our makeup on and our hair ready to go out and face the town of Anniston! First we headed to the outlet malls...they looked for dresses as I merely sat back quietly and watched the Alabamian people of America...studying them as I walked around. Then we managed to find our way to the mall....only after stopping at Wendy's. After going to the mall, and me purchasing a hoodie from American Eagle we went to go eat AGAIN (only like 2 hours later mind you from when we ate Wendy's) at the Fried Tomato restaurant.
That night us girls just goofed off, told stories, laughed a lot, watched Iron Chef on the Food Network (Poor Bobby Flay didn't win!) and then I, about to shlump over on the couch, managed somehow to walk down the hall and toss my tired worn body into bed...only to dream...and hear that door handle jiggle again Sunday morning at 3 am! :)
I ate Lucky Charms for breakfast, packed my bags, and then we all ate at a BBQ joint for lunch...then us girls hit the road...only after stopping at the TCBY where us 3 gals got lemon custard yogurt in waffle cones. Heaven I tell you...Heaven!!!
Well there are many details I left out of this blog...guess ya'll will never know...lol!
I should probably preface this list by saying that I am a lover of many different musical stylings and artists. I was only going to list my fave top 10...that however for me was impossible...and so now there is listed below only 25...which was still hard for me to manage!
- "An Epiphany" The Send
- "Cadence" Anberlin
- "Broken Heart" Falling Up
- "Home" Daughtry
- "Collide" Howie Day
- "Crush" David Archuleta
- "Supermassive Black Hole" Muse
- "If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?" The Juliana Theory
- "Chasing Cars" Snow Patrol
- "Falling Slowly" Kris Allen
- "Apologize" Kris Allen
- "Cut" Plumb
- "When You Say You Love Me" Josh Groban
- "Permanent" David Cook
- "Rawkfist" Thousand Foot Krutch
- "Whispers In The Dark (Acoustic) Skillet
- "Unbelievable" Thousand Foot Krutch
- "Longshot" Nevertheless
- "Revelation Song" Kari Jobe
- "Awake" Josh Groban
- "What I've Done" Linkin Park
- "Eyes On Fire" Blue Foundation
- "Give Me Your Eyes" Brandon Heath
- "Misery Business" Paramore
- "Sweet Troubled Soul" Stellastarr
Sometimes our joy is lost...sometimes that joy was too heavily set upon how other people make you feel. We should be joyful because our King has set us free from death!
We cannot let people take our joy away, if we remain in Christ...in the midst of trials and tribulations we will somehow find joy once again. To not live joyfully, even if we are in a non-joy-filled-rutt is an injustice to our Creator and the sacrifice of His son Jesus Christ.
I am now finding my joy through Christ, and not others! I have been humming this lovely melody ("Joyfully" by: Kari Jobe) in my head all day long...and so I felt I must share my heart with my readers.
Here are a sampling of the lyrics from Joyfully:
"Joyfully I lift my voice in praise to Thee. With Heaven watching over me I raise my hands up high. Your majesty gently washes over me...makes my heart begin to sing...Joyfully.
No shadow ever shall I fear. Your peace my heart will know, my cup it overflows. Your goodness chases after me. Your mercy and Your grace will be my dwelling place."