7.09.2010

So Why Does True Love Wait?

WARNINGAhead lies Biblical truths. Also, topics mentioned in this particular blog post are not suitable for young children to read. If you are 14 or younger grab an adult before proceeding to read....please! Thanks so much.....hope this opens some eyes. -DOTK

Sex is not evil. Sex is a gift that is meant for marriage.Yes, I sure did just use THE "S" WORD: S-E-X. I recently had a comment from a reader on my blog post about Courtship, FOUND HERE, and they asked me if I could write an entry on what the Bible has to say on premarital sex. Of course I wanted to tackle this question and requested blog entry head on...so I've been doing a little research and studying in the Bible so I could share with you all about what the purpose and timing of sex should be about according to God. 

I've known since the time I was a young girl that Sex was meant for marriage. Where did I get that notion or understanding of sex you may ask? Well, my parents did a wonderful job raising me up in the way I should go....and that way was in thinking and accepting that sex is a wonderful gift that is to be given away for the first and last time in your life to the person you have bound yourself to in marriage, in the eyes of the Lord forever and ever....your future husband or wife being the only one you become "one" with.

During my researching endeavors I found some really great material. To find all of the materials from TRUE LOVE WAITS click HERE




What Does Sexual Purity Mean Exactly?
Sexual purity includes abstaining from intercourse until marriage, but that is not all it means. Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28). By Jesus' definition, being sexually pure means not even dwelling on thoughts of sex with someone other than a spouse.
Until you are married, sexual purity means saying no to sexual intercourse, oral sex, and even sexual touching. It means saying no to a physical relationship that causes you to be "turned on" sexually. It means not looking at pornography or pictures that feed sexual thoughts.
Sexual purity does not end with marriage. Marriage partners are supposed to experience sexual love with each other in a way that is fulfilling to both. However, purity means being completely faithful to your spouse in thought and deed. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Heb. 13:4).
Is Sex A Bad Thing?
No. God designed us as sexual beings. He invented sex! He also made a place for it--marriage. In Genesis 2:24 God tells of His plan for marriage, that "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." The sexual relationship makes the two become one flesh. The Bible speaks of sexual immorality, so there must also be such a thing as sexual morality, right? That morality is based on God's plan for sex.
If We're In Love It's Okay To Have Sex....Right?
God created sex for a lifetime commitment between one woman and one man. Sex outside of a committed marriage relationship violates God's standards. When you are wearing a wedding ring, you won't have to hope your partner loves you; you will have heard your spouse pledge to you in front of God, your families, and your friends. Anything less cheapens sex.
So What if "Things" Just Start Happening?
Sex is not an accident. Sex is progressive, meaning one act leads to another. Things won't "just happen" if you set boundaries and stick to them. If you make the decision now to abstain from sex and to live a pure life, then you will already know the answer before you encounter any compromising situation. Plus, the Holy Spirit gives us self-control to use when we are tempted. (All of the italicized portions were directly taken from http://www.lifeway.com/tlw/ and were not written by myself.)

If you are anything like me, and your 'love language' is physical touch, then you know my joy and my pain. For me I knew that before I ever had a boyfriend I needed to decide what my boundaries would be in a romantic relationship and that when I did I would need to stick to them...and I did decide upon boundary lines, and I have done my utmost to stick to them even when it isn't always an easy task to do so.  Some tips/boundaries that I'd like to suggest to you as far as physical boundaries go are:
  • If you are alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend at night leave a light on in the room. You let your guard down when you are tired...and when it's dark.
  • Kisses are lovely, but passionate kissing might lead you towards contemplating compromising.
  • Keep your mind and hands in check at all time...think about it this way "Would you be doing this in front of your parents?".....and remember God's watching, so would He approve of your actions?
  • And when you are tempted...which you will be inevitably at some point or another in your life (I know I have, sad enough to say)....pray and ask the Lord to give you self control....and then remove yourself from the compromising situation.
  • Never lie down together.....always keep your body vertical or somewhat elevated if you happen to be lying down for some reason together. This one seems silly I know, but trust me thoughts turn quickly at times when you are lying too close together at 180 degrees, okay!

So now I bet you are wondering how I know about all of these 'broken boundary pitfalls' within a relationship that can lead you towards contemplating compromising your boundary lines, aren't you? Well, I will be honest with you all.....I am a sinner who is daily saved by His grace, and I am a fault filled human as much as I hate to admit it. 


I am saving the gift of sex, of giving myself wholly to the ONE whom God has prepared me for, for marriage. I will wait for marriage to have sex, and I will continue to do so......but know this, that I am also a young woman who has struggled with wanting to be too close at times and who has struggled with lustful thoughts too. I am ashamed to say that at certain moments I've let my guard slip, and I've teetered on the edge of boundary lines. The boundary lines I've teetered on haven't been the 'really bad ones' but nonetheless sins like lust, premarital sex, murder, lying, and stealing are all the same in God's eyes! EEK! 

I've had some repenting to do....and thanks be to God that I've been forgiven! I am not proud to say that I've had the thoughts I've had, and that I've placed myself into the compromising situations that I have at certain times in my life, but I know that my 'slate is wiped clean by His merciful grace' and in that new found grace and forgiveness I want to remain....forever. 

I've made the pledge to remain pure....to abstain from premarital sex because it is what the Lord has commanded me to do....and His commands are good...they lead you throughout life. I know it won't be easy all the time to make sure I am following 'boundary protocol' but I know that it will be well worth it. I want to save myself for my future husband, and I want Jared to save himself for his future bride whether that be me or not *I sure hope I am his bride one day though!* I will take precautions to remain with boundaries and to abstain from premarital sex because I don't want to be a temptress, and I want to constantly and always guard Jared's heart...and my heart too! 

...and a few other things...Jared & Sarah...speaking together on this *pink* segment below:
When you start dating/courting someone don't be afraid to discuss your boundary lines with one another and your parents....this will be a life saver that will keep you, and hold you accountable. This cannot be emphasized enough, you need to communicate with your bf or gf about whether or not holding hands, kissing, and hugging each other closely is what is lovely and pleasing to God, and what is lovely and boundary appropriate for you, your 'love language' and the guy or gal you are dating/courting. 


It seems awkward at the first glance, but believe me, it will pay off and make you even closer than you were before. Girls, stay firm in this to your guy and don't compromise your own views, because in most cases the guy will be a lot less imposing on boundaries, (but guys are more primal beings, so its understandable why.) And guys, you will win SO many points if you bring this up first in a relationship, (not to say it is about points, but it does improve the way girls see you if you can ask the tough questions yourself.) 


 Also, if you look at this and think, "I don't like the sound of this, it's all too serious for my relationship," then I suggest you seriously take a look at yourself, because odds are you are in need of a change. Any relationship should be a serious one, and anyone who doesn't think so is not worth your time, trust me, relationships without seriousness tend to always end badly without the people in it understanding why.
For me I need that close contact, which is what love is, and what it is felt like to me: holding hands, a kiss, a tight long close hug...those are the things which best speak to me and say 'I love you dearly.' Those may not work for you, but for me they are appropriate boundary-wise and are what I need....and what Jared and I have deemed Kosher boundary-wise.

I have lusted, played with fire and danced towards the edge of slipping over boundary lines that I had thought were set in stone and through it all I believe that I have come out a stronger woman who has learned that self control and avoiding temptation can only be gained when you cast your cares and all of yourself into the arms of the Lord.

"Flee from the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart." 
~ 2 Timothy 2:22

The verse above says it all....flee from evil desires such as premarital sex and lustful thoughts. Strengthen your faith in God so that you will remain strong when faced with temptations. Run towards, and make it your goal to live a life that shows and gives love to others, and promotes peace. Join together with those who are like minded in the Word and in the Lord (fellow Christian brothers and sister in Christ) and they will help lead you towards the rock that is higher than yourself! 

Please feel free to ask more questions....or even to leave me more suggested blog topics that you'd like to see me try to tackle to write on my blog here. I'd love to hear from you, and I sincerely hope that through seeing me, my being transparent with you, and through the True Love Waits material that I touched on you will be diligent in fleeing the 'evil desires of youth' so that you too can walk the path of purity and strive to remain in Him, blamelessly! 


One day when I share the gift of the marriage bed with my husband for the first time on my wedding night I will rejoice because: "A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul..." but if I give myself away too early, like right now for instance, I will/would be as a "...fool who detests turning from evil." (Scripture is Proverbs 13:19)
Walking the boundary lines...holding steadfast...forgiven and washed anew, and given glorious grace!
Your Sister & Brother in Christ,
Sarah (Daughter of the King) & Jared (This Red Thread)
P.S. In our relationship Jared was the first one to bring up the subject of physical boundaries. I respected him and loved him even more for being the one to lead in our relationship, and also for him being so willing to step out and talk about our boundaries (which was very uncomfortable at first, for the both of us,  might I add!) Jared you definitely won some major points for that! :P

3 comments:

  1. Very well said, Sarah, very well said indeed! It is interesting to watch someone really stick with their boundaries and actually have high standards for themselves and their significant other. I'm not sure I've ever been friends with someone's who's morals seem this intact and set! I know that one day you will rejoice with your husband that you set these boundaries not only for you but honoring him as well!

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  2. Great post. I enjoyed reading it! Its very encouraging to see other young people with a balanced godly set of morals! I'm definitely going to pass this post onto some of my friends.
    -marie

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  3. Thanks Alaythea! I definitely strive to live a life that is set apart and purposed for the Lord.

    Marie, thanks so much for your comment! I always love to find that the Lord is using this blog in the lives of my readers! Please do pass this on....this is a topic that is so close to my heart! You young men and women are so very close to my heart, and I pray that the words God gives me will ring true not only in my life but also in yours.

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