An idealist. A dreamer in longing of the pictured and desired days surely to one day come. Patience calls me, but is pushed up against the wall...it is silenced and shoved aside once again to be forgotten, until it commands my attention at the most needed of moments in my life. My mind is the white rabbit trail runner as of late. I cannot seem to find peace of mind. For when I do find a moments rest, in my wild tangent thought filled mind, it is short lived, never utterly defined, it is always corrupted by the thoughts of what I stubbornly want to have now...what I do not want to wait for, but know painfully that I must.
There's no words other than His alone that can show me the truth, of how I need to live from day to day to serve Him alone. I've heard the other voices speak, as well as my own and they've helped, but have not spoken to me as He has done so now. I know my purpose is set forth...planned...that my life is not for naught. He is the only one who can shake me to my core, and show me how to live...until my desires finally blossom to fruition in the shortly coming days.
I often complain about the here and now, but that in itself keeps me from striving to be the best I can be. The best Daughter of the King. I am reliving my fears daily of falling short and of not living out my dreams that I longingly desire, they're melded into my heart deep within my inner core. I struggle with not wanting to face the music, the words which I yearn to wreath together in harmony for all to see, and of the future which my heart won't dream about me ever letting go of.
Life is so bittersweet. Life...it is so melancholy at times for me, and yet also I see that behind those clouds of doubt, of impatience and uncertainty I seek to live life joyfully, peacefully and patiently. Life. Endless love. Patience. Striving towards a brighter day...and self. Fears that weigh me down to the ground. They are an endless cycle. Everything emoted within me is a collision that brings me back to my knees, over and over again....it brings me back again to you my King.
"Endless Cycle Collision" Poetry by:
THAT'S what I've been waiting to hear from you. I know you well, and I know you will turn out just fine, you just have to believe it so.
ReplyDeleteI love you and I want you to be at your best even when you feel at your worst. It won't always be possible or even feasible, but really it all comes down to the grit when you need it. It's happened and is still happening for me with school, but I know it will not last forever and that therefore it must have a foreseeable end. No power is absolute on earth, not to the will.
And yes, I realize I don't comment enough on here, I'll be seeing to that more often, so forgive me on that. I love ya much, and I pray you jump off your feet and hit the ground running.
Goodness gracious you're a good writer! I'm hoping the stress and impatience and that doesn't last too long, but at the same time, it's times like these when we learn to rely on God even more. Only He can pull us out.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Jared: Yes, I forget that sometimes I am not the ONLY one dealing with stresses and facing the grit in life...we are in this together...and with God and each other I KNOW that we can face whatever the world has to throw at us. And of course I'd love to hear more comments from you on my blog!
ReplyDeleteAnneliese: Thanks, so much! I am trying to become the best writer that I can be...because I really only ever dream about being a piano teacher, wife, mother, homemaker and an inspirational writer one day.
Yes, I too believe that only God can get me through these times, with how I am feeling and the things that I am coming up against in my life, with what I'm facing daily.
Thanks to you both, Jared & Anneliese for your comments! :)
"If we find in ourselves a desire which nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is that we were made for another world." C.S. Lewis
ReplyDeleteGod cannot give us peace and happiness apart from Himself, because there is no such thing." C.S. Lewis
"My father always told us that if we will let God, He can use even our disappointements, even our annoyances to bring us a blessing. There's a practical way to start the process too: by thanking HIm for whatever happens, no matter how disagreeable it seems." Catherine Marshall
Just a few quotes that have often encouraged me, I have dozens more but won't overwhelm you with them. Many prayers for you, sister in Christ,
Laurel
How can you be a inspirational writer unless you have faced times and trials that make you into someone that has something important to say about life's trials & to motivate others. You are living God's plan everyday, HE is teaching you, HIS way & it will be hard but HE wants to make sure when you are a disciple to others you speak from experience. People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. You can't care with empathy until you have lived through trials.
ReplyDeleteThank God for trials & insecurities we pass through because it always brings us closer to HIM! You my daughter are a shining example of Christs' love in action. Love Mom
Thanks Laurel! I think slowly I am beginning to see that I need to thank Him in all circumstances, and that there is much growth to be gained through these feelings which I feel I have been drowned in as of late so that I might grow as a young woman and cling to His side even stronger and harder than ever before. I am beginning to see my flaws and my weaknesses, but I am also learning to see the Lord and what He is doing within me also...He is my strength when I am weak...the treasure that I seek...He is my all in all! (kind of quoted a song there didn't I?) Thanks for the prayers too...they are welcomed and still needed right now more than ever before!
ReplyDeleteFranziska (Momma): Thanks for those words of wisdom, dearest! I love you....and I know that you are right! I just have to look at myself currently in life...all the trials, heartache, joy, wisdom, and frustrations as stepping stones to further me onward on to my life's journey that has been set and predestined by Him. I think there's something to what you've just said about 'if I don't go through trials how will I know how to write about them and share my experiences through my words that God gives me....' or something to that effect.
ReplyDeleteI think I am having an epiphany moment!