I am waiting for him, my love. He'll be here tomorrow, you should know, and knowing that sends my heart into blips of excited heart-pounding joy. And I can finally take a deep breath again. No, it's not like I never take a breath when my love and I are apart, but somehow I find that I breathe more deeply, more fully when he is by my side. I hold my breath again when he walks away after our wonderful times spent together - to travel back to his home, that is not I - every single time, and I wonder secretly how much longer it will be until I no longer have to gasp for air, all while the white-knuckle waiting continues on.
I am still the girl who is waiting. No, I am not that waiting single young woman anymore, but I am still waiting, in my own way. I remember those single-nights like they were just yesterday, those nights when I cried myself to sleep as a teenager. Many a tear was shed due to my never-a-plus-one status. I tried my best to honor God by patiently waiting for my Prince Charming, even though it was beyond painful not having a boyfriend. So I waited on Him and His plan for me, through the tears, through the many sleepless nights and through the constant fear that I believed I might just possibly end up living life alone forever.
And then I gave up on love altogether one hot July Summer day in 2009. I swore I didn't want it anymore. That I didn't need it. My heart had been drained and ripped apart once and for all. And then surrender came in the form of a sweet simple prayer. I handed my heart over to the Ultimate Heart-Mender. I asked God to fix the tattered pieces of my heart; the brokenness in me. I asked if He would please take the pain and desire to be married away. And then I finally let go of my own desires, and found myself filled with a stronger-than-ever desire for Him.
Many season's came to pass, and our love began to grow deeper and deeper, as the days went on. I was completely in a state of bliss, and it seemed to me as if I would never have to wait again. Enter the curve ball. Jared was moved by God to the other side of the state back in September of last year and now I find myself waiting once more. I never thought the waiting season would continue once you had found the love of your life, but somehow, in my case anyway, the waiting has continued on. I wait for job news. I wait for an engagement proposal. I wait for more money to flood in. I wait. I wait. I wait . . .
If you are that single woman in the dark, perhaps crying tears of complete frustration, worried about your seemingly-never-ending-waiting-game for Mr. Right to appear, know that you, dear one, are not alone. Love will come for you, when you least expect it to. It will sweep you off your feet, and leave you breathless. A new season will claim you. A new season where the waiting wanes, and the love takes a hold. Just know, and be prepared, that there will surely be more waiting times in your life to come that will claim a hold over you once more. But the waiting is not all bad you know, because you must see, and I must see, that God is preparing a season for us in which love can fully bloom and will continue to grow.
Once again I find myself waiting. Somehow I knew this season would find me again. I am waiting to breathe. Waiting to see my love's face again, to feel his hand in mine. And I wait, until the two shall become one. God is not done penning our love stories just yet, ever really . . . it is continued on, through many new seasons and waiting-times. I know that a new season will be borne soon enough, and that the waiting will surely cease for a while . . . yes, it will like it always does. And when the waiting stops, it will be long enough for us to finally breathe in deep.
// images via pinterest //