waiting, patiently waiting

I'm sitting still in my room, leaning over my desk, though the chair beneath my tired frame is swiveled by my anxious legs. The lights are dimly lit and it is utterly silent. I do not mind the silence, because the silence brings forth a time to sort through my thoughts, my heart, my frazzled self.

I am waiting for him, my love. He'll be here tomorrow, you should know, and knowing that sends my heart into blips of excited heart-pounding joy. And I can finally take a deep breath again. No, it's not like I never take a breath when my love and I are apart, but somehow I find that I breathe more deeply, more fully when he is by my side. I hold my breath again when he walks away after our wonderful times spent together - to travel back to his home, that is not I - every single time, and I wonder secretly how much longer it will be until I no longer have to gasp for air, all while the white-knuckle waiting continues on.

I am still the girl who is waiting. No, I am not that waiting single young woman anymore, but I am still waiting, in my own way. I remember those single-nights like they were just yesterday, those nights when I cried myself to sleep as a teenager. Many a tear was shed due to my never-a-plus-one status. I tried my best to honor God by patiently waiting for my Prince Charming, even though it was beyond painful not having a boyfriend. So I waited on Him and His plan for me, through the tears, through the many sleepless nights and through the constant fear that I believed I might just possibly end up living life alone forever.

And then I gave up on love altogether one hot July Summer day in 2009. I swore I didn't want it anymore. That I didn't need it. My heart had been drained and ripped apart once and for all. And then surrender came in the form of a sweet simple prayer. I handed my heart over to the Ultimate Heart-Mender. I asked God to fix the tattered pieces of my heart; the brokenness in me. I asked if He would please take the pain and desire to be married away. And then I finally let go of my own desires, and found myself filled with a stronger-than-ever desire for Him. 

After surrendering my heart to God I met my love, my Jared Thomas, the very same week. Neither Jared or I wanted to be Chaperones at a Christian Camp, and neither one of us knew why God had called us there in the first place. And yet He did, because He knew. To my amazement I had only just told God days ago that I was fine being by myself; that I wanted only to find what He had waiting for me there at that camp. Four months after many e-mails sent back and forth, awkward text messages and a very rainy drive to get Italian food on All Hallow's Eve, Jared and I began our life-long relationship together. We fell into love. And the waiting ended.

Many season's came to pass, and our love began to grow deeper and deeper, as the days went on. I was completely in a state of bliss, and it seemed to me as if I would never have to wait again. Enter the curve ball. Jared was moved by God to the other side of the state back in September of last year and now I find myself waiting once more. I never thought the waiting season would continue once you had found the love of your life, but somehow, in my case anyway, the waiting has continued on. I wait for job news. I wait for an engagement proposal. I wait for more money to flood in. I wait. I wait. I wait . . .

If you are that single woman in the dark, perhaps crying tears of complete frustration, worried about your seemingly-never-ending-waiting-game for Mr. Right to appear, know that you, dear one, are not alone. Love will come for you, when you least expect it to. It will sweep you off your feet, and leave you breathless. A new season will claim you. A new season where the waiting wanes, and the love takes a hold. Just know, and be prepared, that there will surely be more waiting times in your life to come that will claim a hold over you once more. But the waiting is not all bad you know, because you must see, and I must see, that God is preparing a season for us in which love can fully bloom and will continue to grow.

Once again I find myself waiting. Somehow I knew this season would find me again. I am waiting to breathe. Waiting to see my love's face again, to feel his hand in mine. And I wait, until the two shall become one. God is not done penning our love stories just yet, ever really . . . it is continued on, through many new seasons and waiting-times. I know that a new season will be borne soon enough, and that the waiting will surely cease for a while . . . yes, it will like it always does. And when the waiting stops, it will be long enough for us to finally breathe in deep.


// images via pinterest //

11 comments:

  1. Beautiful, beautiful post Sarah!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so beautiful, Sarah! It reminds me of a post I made a long time ago with this poem a friend shared with me.
    http://radiant-joy.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/waiting.html
    This endless struggle of giving my desires back to Him is something that just never goes away, and it is so encouraging to read about some of the same in your life and how He has blessed you. Thanks so much for sharing!
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for sharing that poem with me/us, Sarah Michelle! xoxo

      Delete
  3. I cried. I never cry at blog posts, but I did. Because of your beautiful, beautiful love story...and for that second-to-last paragraph at the end. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you sweet, dear friend! <3

      Delete
  4. Thank you for being so honest, open, and willing to share your heart. I agree, this was a beautiful post! Blessings <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for these wonderful words of encouragement, girl! I feel like we have waiting seasons--whether we're single, dating, married, or wanting kids. Thank you for reminding me to turn to Him and give my all to Him instead of others. Love your heart + your writing! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, thanks, Kiki! *my heart's full of warm fuzzies* <3

      Delete
  6. Thank you for the encouragement. I'm a senior in high school and I do love the Lord with all my heart but sometimes it is easy to forget how great His love is for us and to desire to have a boyfriend and I have been really struggling with that these past few months and this post was very encouraging. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable on here. Gods totally using you through it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your super kind words, Kendall! Hold onto the promise that God will always be your main guy, okay? That desire for a boyfriend will only grow more and more until it is fulfilled, but only God can fill that desire for you - and He will, in the right place and time and season in your life. You've got this because He's got y-o-u! ;) *HUGS*

      Delete