An idealist. A dreamer in longing of the pictured and desired days surely to one day come. Patience calls me, but is pushed up against the wall...it is silenced and shoved aside once again to be forgotten, until it commands my attention at the most needed of moments in my life. My mind is the white rabbit trail runner as of late. I cannot seem to find peace of mind. For when I do find a moments rest, in my wild tangent thought filled mind, it is short lived, never utterly defined, it is always corrupted by the thoughts of what I stubbornly want to have now...what I do not want to wait for, but know painfully that I must.
There's no words other than His alone that can show me the truth, of how I need to live from day to day to serve Him alone. I've heard the other voices speak, as well as my own and they've helped, but have not spoken to me as He has done so now. I know my purpose is set forth...planned...that my life is not for naught. He is the only one who can shake me to my core, and show me how to live...until my desires finally blossom to fruition in the shortly coming days.
I often complain about the here and now, but that in itself keeps me from striving to be the best I can be. The best Daughter of the King. I am reliving my fears daily of falling short and of not living out my dreams that I longingly desire, they're melded into my heart deep within my inner core. I struggle with not wanting to face the music, the words which I yearn to wreath together in harmony for all to see, and of the future which my heart won't dream about me ever letting go of.
Life is so bittersweet. Life...it is so melancholy at times for me, and yet also I see that behind those clouds of doubt, of impatience and uncertainty I seek to live life joyfully, peacefully and patiently. Life. Endless love. Patience. Striving towards a brighter day...and self. Fears that weigh me down to the ground. They are an endless cycle. Everything emoted within me is a collision that brings me back to my knees, over and over again....it brings me back again to you my King.
"Endless Cycle Collision" Poetry by: