my god can, in twenty-twelve

{image via pinterest}

A great deal of twenty-eleven was spent wishing I could've had everything that I didn’t have already, but wanted oh so badly. I had so many stressful blue days (self inflicted of course), and even though I had quite a few absolutely blissful dream days (like going to She Speaks for instance, meeting a blogger friend IRL and taking a road trip with the love) thrown into the mix I chose to focus on what I did not have, instead of what God had already graciously given me. Which were a lot blessings, in all honesty!
I confess that I wanted (desperately) to have been engaged by now. I wanted my boyfriend to have found a (really good) job by now (would you please pray alongside me for him on this?) I wanted to have had enough money saved to have moved out of my parents home by now (which was some seriously wishful thinking on my part.) I wanted my daddy’s heart to heal completely (we found out he has aortic bicuspid valve disease last year. Daddy has still had troubles with his blood pressure medications and he has also really been exhausted lately from his heart and from his job [and this really frightens me].) I wanted my mom's lungs to heal from her asthma and for her to be overall a healthier and happier person (she had to go get oxygen recently, and since then we have all started a new lifestyle/diet plan.) I wanted my little sister to decidedly dig deeper into God's Word and for her to talk to me more about herself, her dreams and about HIM (because I'm longing to have a deeper relationship with her and my Lord too.)
And that right there is part of the problem. I wanted a lot of things, but God obviously knew that it wasn't the right season yet. Twenty-Eleven was not the year of my engagement, moving out of my family's home or of complete healing (but that doesn't mean that God can't heal my daddy or momma still.) I believe that God also saw that I was immature, in that I let my stress become bigger than HIM and I also chose stress over peace when life got hairy. This obviously hurt me and my family, what with my serious stress filled mood swings and icky snappish attitudes, but in the long run these days of trials have made me grow in such a deep manner, one that has made me become much wiser. 

I know that I still have much growing to do into the realms of adulthood and in HIM this year. I recognize that I am going to have to fight for my dreams, and for those I love. I am going to have to be the one who actively seeks out my King and prays "Lord, lead me and grant me peace and growth." And I have to know, and accept, that I just cannot fix everything. 

I can't get Jared a job and finish college for him. Only He and God Can. I can't fix my dad's heart. Only God Can. I can't fix my momma's lungs. Only God Can. I can't make my sister crack open her Bible and open herself to me as a dear sister and friend. Only God Can. I can't make my grandparents see that their choices have led them down a path of no return, unless they choose to pick themselves up, ask for help and let go of their facades. Only God Can.

This year those wishes of wanting what I don't yet possess in this season of life will be replaced with living in the moment and striving to live a more peace filled life. Living in peace and striving for a peaceful walk with Christ daily will surely make my walk in life an easier one and I'm sure it will also make it easier for those loved ones around me too (or at least that's my thought on this.)
Now my palms are empty and open handed to what HE has in store for me this year. Last year I didn't trust HIM or anyone else for that matter very much, but this year will be different. I will BETTER MYSELF for myself. I will TRUST in HIM more. I will keep MY EYES STAYED UPON HIM more. I will be at PEACE with the way things are, these newly lived out seasons of dreams come true or dreams awaiting the light of day some day soon. It will be more of a "But God, what do you want for me?" kind of year and honestly I'm okay with this. I'm excited to see what God will do for my family, my love, myself and even YOU who are reading this very post right now!
Let's choose to STOP and see what HE has in store for us 
E V E R Y  S I N G L E  D A Y! 

I know this is not going to be easy, for me or anyone else, to live open-handedly and to RISE UP, but I can already see HIM more clearly now and the path that HE has set before me. 
For THIS is the day the LORD has made! 
(psalm 118:24)

1 comment:

  1. Really good post Sarah! I love when you are guarded with who you share what, but open enough to be transparent in who you are and what you are experiencing. I love you and looking to what God has store for us for the rest of our days!


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