"Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."
-James 4:8 (The Message)
As I read this verse this morning in my devotion time I knew that I was meant to read it today, as I sat there quietly before the Lord, tears forming on the brims of my eyes. I was feeling like I was once again lost out in the desert, thirsting for HIM and HIS direction. I needed to draw close to HIM today, to sit alone with just HIM, to commune with HIM, and pray about all that is going on in my heart and head, to try and separate myself from the 'grey' that was taking me over by storm.
I have been struggling recently with feeling like I am divided...divided from many different things in my life, and from some people even. (I told you this is not going to be about what you may have thought it was going to be about! I am obviously taking the scripture not so literally this time, but rather 'spinning' off of it, so to speak.) It is so frustrating, feeling this division, and not knowing how to cope with it, or how to even begin to climb out from under it at times.
I have felt such division in friendships over the past year, and in trusting in those whom I love, and even in feeling safe and secure in knowing that people will stand beside me, and not continually run away from me, as they so often seem to do.
So here's what I really got out of my devotion time this morning: Sometimes I think we can become so concerned with the world, and with others in it, that we forget to place our eyes solely on God, and turning our gaze from all that is within the world (i.e. we shouldn't be putting our trust in other people more than we do in Christ, placing them first before God, and placing expectations on friends to fill that God shaped hole that is in all of us, instead of letting the only one who can mend us do so.)
That having been said, I know that God is my constant friend, my rock, and the one whom I always can place my trust in. I have to place God before all others...before my love, and before my friends.
I must realize that I STILL have friends (God has indeed blessed me with a few close kindred spirit's, who I know will always be there for me through any storm), even though some have chosen to 'flee' for unknown reasons to me. I also know that I can regain trust in the one(s) whom I love; it is possible to move forward and in doing so I can regain all that we had before, and hopefully grow into and gain even more than there ever was before...with a little grace, patience, love, faith, and time, it can be done!
....and now I move on from feeling divided.
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands."
-Isaiah 43:18-19 (The Message)
-Daughter of the King
P.S. - Thank you Jared for talking to me today, for lifting me up in your constant prayers, and for trusting that I will (and can) come around again in time. Thank you for the faith which you have had in me from the very start. I love you very much, and I don't know what I'd do without you...through thick 'n' thin! ;-D