- I have been successful in remaining pure in mind, heart, & body.
- I have not given pieces of my heart away to countless men.
- I have not yet had my first kiss...I am saving it for someone special!
So that addressed I guess I should further set the stage for the moment of my akwardness in Alabama.
Hannah, Jeanie, their family & I had all went out to eat lunch on the last day of our random roadtrip when Miss Mary leaned in a bit over the table & asked me "So d'you have a steady beau?" I was shocked...that I had not been asked this sooner...somehow I had avoided being asked this question in the previous days. My heart began to sink as I thought to myself "No, I don't have a boyfriend...but I wish I did..if he's who God has planned for me to be with...it'll happen some day. What should I say in front of them all?...I am so embarassed to say NO!"
I did not answer Miss Mary, & then Jeanie said "Can I tell her?" I nodded my head "yes" (looking catatonic I am sure), & Jeanie went on to say to Miss Mary & everyone else at the table that "She hasn't ever had a boyfriend or been kissed, because she is saving herself for God's best, & she's waiting for His timing." Everyone at the table seemed to applaud me...I even heard a few of them say "I wish I had waited, & that I hadn't given my heart away so freely, & that I wouldn't have kissed so many countless guys"...but no applause seemed to thunder within my mind, cheering me on "'ata girl you've done good"..in that instant all I felt was my stomach twisting into knots.
While I was glad Jeanie had answered & I didn't have too, I sat there staring, very quiet & still, thinking & thinking some more. I was semi embarassed, & then a twinge of remembrance came to mind...God had said to me on many an occasion, during heartfelt prayers and through many tears..."BE PATIENT DARLING!" Still, them asking me, and my answer being "No," seemed to bother me more than it should've...the enemy wanted to have a hold on my heart I think.
Although it may seem agonizing, & even very upsetting at times to me, waiting is what God has called me to do. Sure there have been quite a few guys I was interested in...even one who played with my heart over & over...sounding like a screeching ugly violin that deafened me and drowned out all sound of reason for far too long. After what seemed like decades I finally saw him for who he really was...& I have moved on with God's help. All I have to say about him is two things 1) Thank God for unanswered prayers & 2) Now I know what kind of a man I DO NOT want to marry.
I remembered & pondered all of the above mentioned while riding home from Alabama...it was a more quiet drive back than on the way there to Alabama. My mind was reeling...then God reassured me that the pure life I am living is ordained by HIM! I shouldn't feel ashamed when someone asks me if I have a steady beau. I should take pride in that I am living a lifestyle of purity...one day I'll answer that question differently with Godly pride "Why yes I do have a beau! & we are very happy together, serving the Lord in all we do. The wait wasn't so bad...it was worthwhile!"
The Christ-like young woman I seek to be is a woman who seeks after God, who shows discretion, & one who is quiet and gentle (1 Peter 3:3-4.)
I do not want to be a young woman who is ashamed that she has not had so many countless boyfriends...because I am not looking to serve myself or to have just a boyfriend. I am looking for a husband with whom we will both serve God in all we do! I seek "To be self controlled & pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, & to be subject to my husband, so that no one will malign the Word of God." (Titus 2:5.) The Proverbs 31 woman is also an accurate depiction of the young woman I long to be.
All of that said...whew...I can breathe easier! I think I will find that in patient time God will come through...Mr. Darcy will arrive before I know it! I will remind myself daily that "To be loved, one must first be loveable" & that "Love is a choice, not a feeling!" That is why I must seek God...so that I might choose wisely (picturing the knight in Indiana Jones right now..."Choose Wisely." lol)
~Lady In Waiting~
P.S. Thanks for reading through my wordy ranting/epiphany! I love you for it! If you have any advice on the joys of love or God breathed thoughts please feel free to e-mail me at: EvenstarHeart@gmail.com or leave me a comment!